"To capture another's heart we must first capture our own" - Brett Blumenta
Maybe you want more intimacy in your life, but fear it at the same time.
Maybe you experienced unrequited love, an unfaithful partner or having to abandon your values and boundaries to maintain a relationship. Maybe you have been badly hurt by someone close to you.
You might be struggling to find or maintain a relationship. You might wonder whether there is something wrong with you or why you find the process so draining.
We all want to feel love, but may have parts that we don’t like, don’t accept, don’t think are ok - the parts we hide. Love brings lovely sensations in the body, but if past feelings are holding us back, it makes it difficult to receive this love.
I can help you sort through these feelings and release them from where they are held in the body, meaning greater love for ourselves and easier connection with others.
I can help you to:
- Know that you are not alone
- Learn to love the parts of yourself that need it the most
- Set healthy boundaries and maintain good relationships
You can then:
- Feel worthy of love
- Understand the intentions of the people you meet
- Step into a new relationship without neediness
- Earn the respect of people you care about
- Hold relationships lightly so they can flourish
And finally discover:
- A more radiant version of yourself
- Recognise the power and beauty within you
Your First Session
Ultimately, the foundation of love that we need to thrive comes from within us. This is the deep resource that we develop in these sessions.
First we talk - a large part of the first session will be devoted to this. I've been blessed with a warm, open hearted disposition, and this infuses the therapeutic relationship. It's a kind of unconditional love and positive regard that comes naturally for me. I wish that all social interactions had this quality - they don't - so I find this work deeply rewarding.
You will discover that your internal world is much like the people around you, that these struggles are universal, part of the human condition. You get to shift the language of your self-talk and create a more favourable view of yourself.
You will notice "parts" of self that get in the way of self-acceptance, self-admiration, and self-love. You probably don't have warm feelings toward these parts, but I do. In the words of Richard Swartz, "I never met a part I didn't like". You will learn that each of these parts, sometimes at war with each other, are all working to make your life better, safer, less threatening, more fun - they are on your side.
To establish a foundation of love in your life, you need to feel comfortable in your own body, at home in your own skin. Part of the first session is devoted to an awareness of your body. Any discomfort with yourself is reflected as uncomfortable sensations in your body. If you give your attention to these sensations, with a little compassion, they settle, they lose their intensity. The magic of this work is that the underlying emotions settle as well.
My intention for these sessions is that you will, more and more, express love and kindness toward yourself. This may include enjoying more time in your own company, setting clear boundaries that honour your self-worth, or creating food, experiences, and a living space that brings you greater pleasure. Besides "doing the work", I can support you with feel-good sessions of nurturing massage. I encourage you to see this not as tenderness from outside, but as a loving gift to yourself.
“What point is a loving partner if we cannot receive love”
“ Every human being deserves to feel safe, free to express themselves, sovereign in their own body, and able to make confident choices in life”
This is my foundation, the four pillars of my practice. I penned the words the day I chose this path as a healer, and I have never understood why anyone would not honour these basic human rights. It saddens me that in schools, workplaces - even in families and intimate relationships - people do not have this sanctuary.
For as long as I can remember, I have wished for a safer world for all. I struggled in earlier years to be accepted because wouldn't play the macho role expected of me. But I learned to be my own person.
Establishing this practice has been my way to align my values, my interests, my heart, and my gut, to live the way I choose. I have never felt so good in my own skin. This is who I am, this is what I do, this is my life.
Eureka Hamish thank you so much for last night I so enjoyed the intimacy that time became irrelevant. This morning it all became clear to me, with all that has gone on with my past, that I didn't feel worthy of love. Phew what a eureka moment, I felt this morning after a very revealing dream, and understanding my part in all of this. So yes, you did help so much to get me to this understanding. So I now know what I need to do - look for ways to love myself unconditionally, and do it daily with love from love and KNOW that I am worthy. I have tears of joy in my eyes and a very special hug in my heart for you - a very special person who has amazed me with the love and care that you have. I can't thank you enough for what I feel."
- Valerie K